Past is past. Yes it's already past. But that past is making my head turn upside down. I was so hating myself and regret for letting her go 2 years ago. If I don't let her go and explain everything what had happen on that time, I don't have to go through this super-pain feeling. But I know, I'm not good enough for her on that time. I couldn't think wisely before doing something that I don't even know is it good or bad. I just wanted a good times with her. I've erased everything about my past and promise to myself that I'll never let she know's even a piece about it, cause I know, it might hurt her feelings. That moment when I was bored, the only thing I can do is stalking and I found something that makes my heart feel like being crashed into a pieces and it does hurt really bad. I wish I never saw it but I already did and I can't turn back time. But I keep myself down, and said to myself "god is testing me". Being patient is the best cure for now, I think. Forget and forgive. Yes, it's not that easy, but with her truthful love made myself kept trying and always trying to be her best eventhough I've to hurt my ownself. I hope, one day you'll realize. And I'm sorry for not being that perfect for you. Love, Fred.
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